I saw that there wasn't a topic on jokes so I thought we'd laugh a little...

If the Taliban Won the War...

New York City might become...



President Bush might become...



and last but not least...

the Statue of Liberty might become...

You know you are Albanian when...

You know you are Albanian when at least one of your relatives drives a Benz or a BMW.

You know you are Albanian when you spend $100,000 on a car and live on the suppers basement on Hamtramck, Detroit or Bronx, New York.

You know you are Albanian when you work in a Coney Island that your Dad or Uncle owns.

You know your Albanian when your sister gets married to someone she only seen once or twice.

You know you are Albanian when you go to church to see pretty girls instead of mass.

You know you are Albanian when you take your sister/cousin to the prom.

You know you are Albanian when as soon as you get your check u spend it on shirt that you may not even like or wear twice.

You know you are Albanian when YOU NEVER SCARED.

You know you are Albanian when your fighting (of course, we crazy *** mofos)

You know you are Albanian when your mom makes pitta for your Birthday.

You know you are Albanian when you can't have your friends come over cause your dad walks around on his underwear.

You know you are Albanian when your dad plays with a two-stringed guitar.

You are 24 and your mother still calls your cell phone.

You can name all your grandfathers in order dating back to the 15th century.

The only cigarettes you smoke are Marlboro Reds and the only beer u drink is Heineken.

You end up in jail on your brothers wedding day for shooting your 9 mm in the middle of the street during the wedding gathering.

You open up a million dollar business and if it doesn't work out you burn it down and collect the insurance.

All of your dads co-workers know the history of Albania and Albanians.

All the hot Albanian guys/girls are somehow related to you.

When you use "raki rrushit" for everything that is physically or mentally wrong ...

When you use "kos", yogurt to soothe your sunburn.

You know you are Albanian when your parents beat the **** out of you with a tree branch!!!

You know you are Albanian if you have a big *** head!!!

You know your Albanian when you say "Ku je my *!!!"

You know you are Albanian when you drive better cars then the teachers at your high school.

You know you are Albanian when you are 20 in the 12th grade!!!

You know you are Albanian when you get excited when someone reads your coffee çup.

You know you are Albanian when your dad goes outside to go get the mail wearing boxers ,a white wife-beater, and high black dress socks while smoking a cigarette.

I am the head or should i say the boss of the Albanian Mafia in NY/NJ.


(from ~ http://www.myspace.com/alboblood ~)

The Simplified Chinese Language

For most of us, Chinese is a very difficult language to learn or understand. Hopefully, these simplifications will help you understand the Chinese language just a bit better!

Ai Bang Mai Ne - I bumped into the coffee table

Chin Tu Fat - You need a face lift

Dum Gai - A stupid person

Gun Pao Der - An ancient Chinese invention

Hu Flung Dung - Which one of you fertilized the field?

Hu Yu Hai Ding - We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugutive

Jan Ne Ka Sun - A former late night talk show host

Kum Hia - Approach me

Lao Ze Sho - Dawson's Creek

Lao Zi - Not very good

Lin Ching - An illegal execution

Moon Lan Ding - A great achievement of the American space program

Ne Ahn - A lighting fixture used in advertising signs

Shai Gai - A bashful person

Tai Ne Bae Be - A premature infant

Tai Ne Po Ne - A small horse

Ten Ding Ba - Serving drinks to people

Wan Bum Lung - A person with T.B.

Yu Mai Të Tan - Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you

Wa Shing Kah - Cleaning an automobile

Wai So Dim - Are you trying to save electricity?

Wai U Shao Ting -- There is no reason to raise your voice

Only found in America

Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...

Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...

Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a largë fry, and a diet coke...

Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...

Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...

Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...

Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...

Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.

After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.

"Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent."

Let's see if i remember this joke correctly, the way they told me.

In a car there was an american, a jew, and a black person, all driving. They have an accident, and they all die.
They go up in heaven, but heaven is full. The agnel tells them sorry, got no more room for you. Ok.
They go to hell, and the hell is also full. The angel of hell tells them sorry, it's full in herë too.
But he offers them that if they pay him some money he will bring them back to life.
They ask how much ? The angel says $ 5. Ok herë it's $5 says the american, and the american comes back to life.

When he comes back to life everybdoy asks him, oh what happended, where are the others.
The American replies: Well this angel made us an offer for $5 dollars to come back to life.

I payed and herë I am.
The jew was trying te negotiate and cut it down to $2.50
And the black man was looking for a co-signer. 


here's another one, this one they told me at work

What day is the most confusing day in the gheto ?
Father's day. 

The Husband Store


A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City , where a
woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is
a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of
the product increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may
choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next
floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit
the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and
Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with
Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes on to the sixth floor and the sign
reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this
floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to
please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner also opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love seks.

The second floor has wives that love seks and have money.

The third through sixth floors have never been visited

Black Jokes..

two poor black guys are walking down the street and see A sign that says turn white for a dollar. They look at eachother and say wow we could be living the good life, this is our chance. They each only have fifty cents. So the one says to the other hey give me your fifty cents, after Im white Ill have money and come out and give you the dollar to turn you white. so he says ok.

so the one guy goes in comes out white. his friend is waiting for him excited and says wow it worked!! He says ok now give me the dollar so I can go.

His friend looks at him and says get a job nigger.
 


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What's the difference between a nigger and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.

What's long and black and smells like shiit?
The welfare line

How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
You ever try to take a rib from a nigger? 

What is faster than a speeding bullet?
-> A Jew with a coupon.