The NASA wanted to get a person land in Mars for the first time but they
weren't sure if that person would have the chance to come back to earth
alive though. They tried to find an american but none would stand up and
volunteer for going there. Thus NASA decided to come to Europe and find a
suitable person to send to Mars. They first went to Germany and  asked a
german what would he want in order to accept going there with very little
chance of coming back. He asked for 3 million dollars. They were surprised
and asked why. The german replied: "Well, I want to make
sure that  my family will have what to do after I leave, so they won't
worry of my absence". To the NASA people this amount looked high, thus they
decided going to Turkey as the economy level there is lower than Germany.
They went
and asked a turkish man if he would accept to go to Mars and what  amount
would he ask for doing that. He told them he wanted one million of dollars.
They asked why and he replied: "Well, I want my family to take the  money
and buy a shop and have a business so they will not starve. Only  then I'll
accept". Now, the NASA guys thought that one million of dollars for  a
person was still a lot of money, thus they decided going to Albania, which
is much poorer than Turkey. (Here comes the funny part) They went to  a
bar, saw an albanian drinking raki and asked him if they could join him.
He stood up, took chairs for them and asked the bartender to provide  raki
to all his guests. While they were sitting, NASA guys start
to tell him their position, their concern and asked him if he would accept
going to  Mars for the first time of humankind without being able to come
back, and  what amount would he ask for doing that. The albanian man
replied:
- Well, I want five millions of dollars!
They replied - What?? Why?! Albania is so poor and you're asking 5 millions
of dollars? We've been in Germany and they asked for 3 millions,  we've
been in Turkey and they asked for 1 million. What do you think you're
going to do with 5 millions?
The albanian man quietly thinking and drinking with pleasure his  raki,
replied:
- Okay, who's paying the money, you from your pocket?
- No, - they answered - the U.S. government.
- Fine then - he said - I asked you five millions and you accept it,  get
the money, give two millions to me, keep two millions for yourself  and we
send the turkish man to Mars and everyone is happy

Ishte nje cift dhe kishin nje femije. Nje nate gruaja po lante femijen me uje te nxehte ne legen dhe e kishte kapur me maje te gishtave tek njeri vesh dhe fuste dhe nxjerrte nga uji..
Ku e shikon burri i thot: c'ben moj se e dogje femijen...
ia kthen gruaja: hajde futi njehre duart ne uje te nxehte ti e lan dot me duar...?  

Një lab e një laluc ishin duke luftuar gjermanët ('44). Lalucin e kishte kapur frika dhe i friksuar pyet labin:
- Ore po çfarë ere ka gjaku ? .
Labi që ishte përqendruar në luftime i thotë:
- Ik ore më le të luftoj !
Laluci vazhdon përsëri:
- Po çfarë ere ka gjaku ?.
- Po ik ore !
Laluci vazhdon përsëri:
- Po çfarë ere ka gjaku ?.
Labi me nerva i pergjigjet:
- Erë muti !
Laluci shikon nga ai dhe thote :
-Pse s'thua ti që qenkam plagosur unë !

çobani dhe vajza.

Nji çoban me bagti ishte afër nji prronit. Po binte shi pa masë. Mbas nji farë kohe prroni po fillon m'u shtu e me u shtu, kur çobani po ndin nji za, "u mbyta, u mbyta..." Vrapon bariu në drejtim të zanit kur shef nji vajzë që kishte mbet në prrua, e ndimon atë dhe mbas pak vajza i thotë atij se si mund t'ia shpërblente, pasi i shpetoi jetën. Bariu i thotë se nuk do asgja. Atëherë vajza fillon me u zhvesh e me u zhveshë. Kur shkon tek mbathjet vajza i thotë bariut: edhe i to kanë mbetë, dhe fillon me i heqë edhe ato, por bariu shumë zemër gjanë e ndërpret duke i thënë: a din ça, mos i heq fare se me bijnë të mëdhaja...

Hajduti dhe plaka.

Nji hajdut kishte hy me vjedhë kumbulla, mirëpo pa mbaru mirë mbushjen e gjinit, del nji plakë e i thotë:
- Ulu poshtë mor qafir, se po ta thërras policinë...
Mirëpo hajdutit nuk i pëlqejnë fjalët e plakës dhe ia kthen:
- O plakë, a po hyn brenda, a po ta baj?...
Plaka e ndigjon dhe hyn brenda. Kur hajduti mbush gjinin me kumbulla, ulet poshtë dhe ikën. Plaka e shef hajnin tuj ikë e bahet me nerva. Del jashtë e i thotë:
- I poshtëm! ti keke edhe hajn edhe rrenacak...

Tre djemtë
Tre djem ishin tuj u ngatërru me njeni-tjetrin e tuj i thanë njeni-tjetrit s'ke m'u rrit ma, ke me metë i shkurtun, etj. Kur mas pak kohe, i madhi prej ture thotë: unë kam m'u rrit ma shum se ju, i dyti pyet: pse? I madhi: se gjyshi jem asht i gjate sa kalaja. I dyti: oh une kam m'u rrit ma shume se ti. I vogli: e pse ke me rrit ma shum se ai? Ai i dyti: se gjyshi jem asht kaq i gjate sa prek ret me dorë. I vogli pyet: kur gjyshi jot ka prekë retë, si ishin të forta apo të buta? I dyti ia kthen: të buta. I vogli: he, ai pra ka kap topet e gjyshit tem!

    A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail after work one night, when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.

    He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman could not help but stare.

    The man noticed that he was the object of the woman's rapt attention, and with a sly, sexy smile, approached her. Blushing, she prepared to apologize for staring, but he leaned close and whispered in her ear.

    "I'll do anything," he whispered in a deep, soft voice. "Anything, absolutely anything you want, anything you have ever fantasized for only fifty dollars. There's just one condition..."

    Trembling with anticipation, the woman asked him the condition. The man said, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

    The woman gazed into his hypnotic eyes, considering the proposition, then reached into her handbag and took out fifty dollars. She scribbled her address on a napkin, folded it around the cash, and pressed it into his waiting hand. She leaned over and whispered into his ear...

     

    "Clean... my... house."


 

Suksesi eshte ...

Ne moshen 4 vjec sukses eshte te mos shurrosh ne breke.
Ne moshen 12 vjec sukses eshte te kesh shoke.
Ne moshen 16 vjec sukses eshte te kesh patente shoferi.
Ne moshen 20 vjec sukses eshte te besh seks.
Ne moshen 35 vjec sukses eshte te kesh para.
Ne moshen 50 vjec sukses eshte kesh para.
Ne moshen 60 vjec eshte te besh seks.
Ne moshen 70 vjec sukses eshte te kesh patente shoferi.
Ne moshen 75 vjec sukses eshte te kesh shoke.
Ne moshen 80 vjec sukses eshte te mos shurrosh ne breke.